Meet My First "Date," Gary.

But you can call him Garold.

Gary contacted me after my first add. This is what he wrote:

"So you are a rock star mom... got it all together and enjoying the ride... good for you. I think of myself in the same light. I have two beautiful girls that Iadore beyond belief.

I play guitar (as a hobbie, not professionally), and love to try to sing. Good at guitar, lousy at voice...but I don't care too much.

I got the body you want and I don't do the treadmills(though I used to). My focus is yoga... I love it andwish I had found it 20 years ago! At least I have itnow. It keeps me in great shape... never sweated so much... who would have thunk!

I'm 5'11" and 175 pounds. I am very fit, a romantic, and intelligent (BSEE, MBA, and people apparently want to hire me). Financially, I can't complain. I have a lot of freedom in my work and can set my own rules.

I am not religious, though very spiritual. I love life and find it sad that it is so short and a one shot deal (as far as we know). The trick is making the best of what we are given.

I can cook decent arabic cuisine... tabouli, stuffed grape leaves, hummus, etc; but don't know latin dance(but would love to learn). I am also fond of commas (but love parentheticals). I'm not a capricorn!

I assumed you wanted a picture so am attaching one...if you respond, I would expect the same. I hope to hear from you!

Gary"

***

I decided that Gary would be relatively harmless and decided to meet him at Sobi Cafe after work. I was wearing quite a sexy black get-up that day and suspected it would be a little distracting for a man, but I thought - fuck it - I need a guy who can handle it. No Puritans for me. I'm not going to water myself down for anyone.

I got there first and it was a very strange feeling, looking around at every man, trying to figure out if any of them looked like the photo of Gary, and if any of their shirts looked vaguely green, as he had told me that he'd be wearing a green shirt. The wait-staff were so busy chatting amongst themselves that they weren't bothering to acknowlege me (one of my real pet peaves) which wasn't helping my gentley burgeoning feeling of discomfort. There was only one thing to do - Go to the bathroom. I shook my hair out upside down, put on lip-gloss again. Swung my dry-cleaning over my shoulder and strutted back out into the cafe.

There I found a spritely little man in a mint green t-shirt, looking quite perky and excited to see me. He asked, "Where did you come from?" That was off to a bad start, because it's a hard question to answer. I don't know. Maybe I didn't think that mint green was manly enough. Maybe it was that he had sloping shoulders and looked much smaller than his description of "I got the body you want." And his hands were undefined and soft-looking, like two tamales. I was just feeling that the world was a dizzy and disconcerting place.

But, alas, a twinkling of his eyes, I had wanted to escape already, but the twinkling of his eyes was...kind of cute. They briefly imbued me with a spark of hope. For a moment I thought...OK, I'll just try to briefly enjoy this human being.

But the twinkling wasn't powerful enough to sustain any true feeling of pleasure and comfort, because Gary did something very "American": He began to grill me. A man should never, ever grill me, cause I'm way too honest and I will answer all of his questions and then feel totally naked and vulnerable. And as I began to answer, a mounting look of concern was growing on his face. Me telling the truth about my life was obviously making both of us very uncomfortable.

Wait a minute! I suddenly felt that I was interviewing for a job that I didn't even want. And I had to tolerate his penetrating, concerned gaze, which was setting me into such a state of unease, I just wanted to cave-in on myself. I felt my heart burrying itself deeply within my chest, and just wanted to say, "Go away!"

I just knew that in the future, this sensation would have to be prevented. It was intolerable!

Then he became the cop. "I see you posted another add. Have you met anyone good?" Then he started asking me about my ex, my son's father, shooting multiple questions at me like a machine gun of male emotional distress. And there I was, trying to change the subject but he kept trying to ferret out information. And I thought...this Gary guy has some serious issues with jealousy. I thought...his wife...obviously cheated on him...

Then he did something extremely disconcerting. He said, "I was separated 3 months ago. Is that going to be a problem for you?" Wait. Confusion ensues. I don't want the position! Had I given him the impression that I want the position? Has my polite manner conveyed any eagerness on my part? Oh shit! I gotta get out of here.

And then this cute blond college guy at the next table turned and just stared at me, long and hard. Gary had been talking a little bit loudly. If I were the blushing type, I would have blushed, but since I am olive complected, I probrably turned a pale shade of green, not unlike Gary's t-shirt. I said I had to go!

Gary offered me a ride to my son's nursery school in Evanston, and if you can believe it, I accepted cause I didn't want to walk back to the train, and it was getting late. I knew Gary was harmless, and was not surprised when I saw his SUV. He seemed like yuppie stock. I threw my dry-cleaning in the back - a mini-skirt, to be precise, and got in.

He asked me if I wanted to go out again. "Not really," I replied, "cause you were grilling me and it has been stressing me out. Why do you have to know so many details?" He said that he was sorry, but that he is a systems engineer, and what did I expect? All I could think was...In your next add, put: No systems engineers. But then, no, he'd see it and it would hurt his feelings.

Unfortunately I left my skirt in the back of his truck. And I recieved this message form him that night:

"Hi Nathalie,

So is it destiny when circumstances forces two people to come back together? Sorry you did not appreciate my inquisitive ways. You should realize that it is temporary and maybe also caused by some nervousness. I am not too comfortable dating as I have been out of practice for some time. Regardless... we need to get together again so that I can give you your dry cleaning!

Options 1: You could come over to my apartment and I could make you a romantic candlelit dinner, impress you with my newfound european blase attitude, serenade you with my guitar, then give you your dry cleaning.
Option 2: You can simply stop off at my office (or apt) and pick up your dry cleaning and be on your way.
Option 3: I can drop off your dry cleaning at your home.

I am assuming option 1 is out... so it is option 2 or 3. Let me know what works for you.

Gary"


I started to imagine Gary doing things with my dry-cleaning, like the boy in "The Door in the Floor". I still haven't gone to pick up my skirt. And Gary keeps writing me about it.