Charles O'Shea and the Boring Phone Conversation

I thought I'd choose the most boring human (pnone) contact of all that CL has generated for me in light of my own very boring blogging trend of the moment. (Like...not blogging. That's pretty boring.) Alright, I just don't feel like dealing with my blog, and I certainly don't feel like dealing with CL during the x-mas season, when I not only have to coax stuck pieces of candy canes off of parts of my home, but also have to wrap tons of presents...which I actually enjoy so much, I shall not deceive you. I love giving presents, and am quite good at it...alright, I just love the challenge of making people happy with the perfect present.

But on to this guy, we'll call him Charles O'Shea, who, in response to the "fix my lamp in return for pasta" ad some time ago, sent me a picture of himself graduating from a fancy university, which I don't understand cause he was 26 at the time of the response (in that particular ad I didn't specify age) and it only makes me suspect that now he's gotten hefty. But I did find his photo rather adorable - he looked quite bright and shiney - so I wrote back. (He was also one of my most eager contestants. Rule #2675: If you really want to meet the woman who placed the ad, Keep Writing Her! I forget about people when they back-off cause there are so many responses. So, be aggressive in a charming sort of way. Otherwise you will fall off the map.)

Anyway, he was rather formal for my tastes (i.e. stuffy) however he was a gentleman and despite his lack of years I called him on the phone. (Remember, it's key for a man to offer up his number on the 2nd or third email, or else he will seem young, unprofessional, and inexperienced.) Well, this guy wasn't exciting or witty but at least he got me on the phone with a straightforwardish pic and some gentlemanly decorum.

Unfortunately, he failed to keep me on the phone. (Rule #3760: Don't discuss your highschool on the phone. Even if you both went to the same kind of school. This might bring the conversation to a standstill, especially if you're dealing with a woman over 30.) When you are getting on your feet in the dating scene, the last thing you need is to conjure the feelings/thoughts that you might have felt in highschool. I JUST WANTED TO GET OFF THE PHONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. It was painfully obvious that our conversation was a flop. How do I know, you ask? How do I know that we had no chemistry?

Sure signs that you have no chemistry: The conversation had no spunk, no commonalities, no rythym, no clicking, sends no emotions through your body, and doesn't make you smile or laugh. If this is what happens to you on the phone, then do not procede. Get off the phone. Do not meet. Do not waste eachother's time, unless you want sex, because I've noticed that sometimes people who don't like eachother wind up having good sex. But this blog is not about getting sex. So far at least. We'll see if I'm up for that in the future, but I really doubt it. My party days are over. If I'm not "coupling" with a person whom I genuinely enjoy, and with whom I feel very comfortable and open, I don't see the point at all of bothering. Now that's out of the way.

Anyway, this whole scenario was so boring that I can barely write about it.

1) I wound up telling Charles that I didn't see the point of meeting because it seemed that we didn't really establish any flow over the phone, but because he persisted, I agreed to meet him. (He was such a nice boy.)

2) Then, he canceled that day, saying he had a cold.

3) Then, he wrote a week later saying he was ready.

4) Then I told him that I had already fixed the lamp myself and he almost didn't see the point of meeting. He was all confused, and said, "Then what am I gonna do?" I told him that he could caulk my sink, but I was just really not enthused to go out and get the silicone and cook for this young man, especially after I learned that he lived at home. Rule #2601: Do not tell a woman if you live with your folks. Keep this detail to yourself. This is very private.) It happens when people are transitioning, but it just made him seem like a little boy. I wound up canceling and just couldn't get up the stamina to repond to him. I know, boring, anti-climactic. I'm getting off this blog.