Rule #6089: Describe what you're wearing, down to the socks.

A picture can communicate so very little.

There's this thing about the voices of guys in their 20's: they haven't entered the 4th male voice phase. Phase 1 - boyhood, Phase 2 - adolescence, Phase 3 - 20's, Phase 4 - 30's. By the time a man enters his 30's his voice gets "manly". A good, solid deep voice is infinately attractive....funny that a few years ago, it was something that I didn't even notice.

I didn't realize this until guys in their 20's answered my ads. There were a few that I spoke with on the phone...and upon hearing their boyish voices, I felt this kind of instant disconnection. This didn't used to happen to me. I must be getting older.

But even though this guy had one of those boyish voices, his sweet enthusiasm led me to meet him.

NINO wrote:

I read your ad a bit ago and didn't reply, since i didn't meet all of the qualifications, yet. But i figure with only 5 more days til my 29th birthday, as long as I'm up to speed on everything else, we might be able to overlook that one until next thursday....

They all say I'm an "exotic white boy" who tends to date ethnic as well---yikes. Can the two of us find come ground in our commonalities? But lucky for you most people think i'm Latino, i've lived in south america for a spell learned spanish pretty damn well......entonces podemos hacer todo eso en castellano si quieres?? ;)

I'm toooo humanist to a fault (how many people owe me money and how much of my free time do i spend doing thing for others, geeez), i work a lot but its good work so that's ok.

Not good at exercising but quite in shape, 6'1 tall thin and well...quite attractive. i love kids love'emlove'em and would be instant best friends with your son, as grown up as i may be (with all my 28 years), somehow kids see right through my disguise and we click instantly----------i actually learned most of my spanish from a 5-year-old who was my best friend for a spell, geez i love the kids :) Adventurous, free, spontaneous--but responsible and sometimes too much so.Well Ms. Clown-------- hit me back and maybe we can chat... attaching a pic of me melllllowing out in S.America as well me a bit more dolled up about to hit the town with a friend, more recent..........talk sooon Nino.

***

Nino looked like a real player in his photo, which made me very suspicious, even after I heard his harmless voice. But when we met, he was just a nice, tall, slightly gangly boy-man, who actually seemed to ooze innocence, sweet enthusiasm, and forthrightness. He possessed an ever-so-slight cross-eye, and a puppy-like grin.

I didn't learn any of this on our initial meeting, though, because we couldn't find eachother. We had agreed on meeting by the statue in front of the federal building, but his concept of the federal building was a bit different than mine, so we both waited, (me extremely irritated,) by two different statues. I waited 15 minutes (my absolute cut-off) and he waited 45 minutes. The worst part is that it was the poor guy's birthday. And me, I was left fuming on the train home...how dare this kid waste my time...I'm sure I was scowling at males left and right on the train home, thinking they were potentially Craig's List vagrants and violated codes of honor left and right. Rule #7203: Never wait for a guy past 10 minutes. It will drag you down.

A very unsettling thing happens when you wait for someone but don't know what they'll be wearing, even if you've seen a picture of them: 10% of the men at any given local could be them. Looking into all of these men's eyes trying to figure it out is a very undesirable feeling. It is complete vulnerability. Rule #6089: Describing your clothes before meeting is 100% necessary, down to the socks.

I checked my email that evening, still fuming, and he had sent this message:

so........... i'll assume something came up??? or did we somehow miss each other? I was there and wandering around, waiting... hmmm.... it was a nice day though and i was happy to be outside and i smiled at lots of pretty girls thinking they were you, so it wasn't so bad, but a bit disappointing.

everything ok?

NATHALIE wrote:

I was right there, next to the statue, reading from 4:15-30. I have a 15 minute cut-off limit, which I think I'll change to 10. You must have been late? I'm pretty miffed.

NINO wrote:

Hmmmm.... strange. i arrived at 4:16 by my cellphone, and i wandered all around the statue that was all closed off so we couldn't meet exactly under it. i was all in blue (my favorite color on my birthday) and then sat on the bench between the post office and the statue for awhile, then wandered around some more, than sat.... hmmm... i stayed until 5!

I don't know what happened, i am rather sorry that we didn't meet up, seriously, and miffing you was the last thing i ever wanted to do. i should have given you my number or made some kind of more specific plan... and on that note i will... 895.0807.... call whenever, anytime :)

well--that was surely a bad way to start things off, no? sad. i'm willing to try again if you are, same place and time if that's most convenient for you, or something else. i'm sure you are quite busy with work and son and all, and don't want to go around wasting time, and i assure you you won't be.... yesterday was some fluke in the universe, somehow we seemed to be inches apart yet sooo far away. hit me back........................................

NATHALIE did call NINO, (that's when she learned about the baby-voice) and they worked it out and met. It was a beautiful thing actually...being at the same statue, on time, knowing instantly who the person is. Odd, we walked up and did the Latin style kiss-on-the-cheek and hugged, totally unusual for me. It felt like I was meeting an old friend. And as we spoke, I liked him. It was easy to be around him and he had an easy going conversational style. We sat down in Au Bon Pain and had a stale chocolate croissant, even though I've been on a sugar-elimination experiment. Anyway my wallet was empty, so he paid for my croissant. (Though I offered to use my debit card, then told him I'd pay him back...ooh, bad sign for the guy, isn't it. It translates, "I'm keeping you at a distance.")

Chocolate croissants are my favorite, and this one was pretty good, even though it was stale at 4pm. It's weird having a totally pleasant and interesting conversation that you know isn't gripping you and probrably never be carried into the future. The conversation just didn't feel like the early-morning croissant. It felt like the late afternoon croissant, though imbued with a vague sense of glee on my part that it wasn't totally terrible and miserable, considering my last date.

Then I made him go with me to Marshall Field's and return a pair of shoes. He was very obliging, but even if he weren't I would have gone to return the shoes anyway.

When I got my cash back, I passed him a $5 bill. The strange part is that I only owed him $3.50, and he didn't give me any change, which I suppose would have been tacky, but was he keeping a tip? A consolation prize of $1.50? Did he think I was paying back his train fare?

As we were nearing my train stop, he said enthusiastically, "You should come to the Black Goat House sometime. Drop by." (Where he does management/booking.) And I just looked at him. "I'm a mom, I'm not really the 'dropping by' type anymore. If I go out it has to be carefully planned." I felt this impatience mounting in me at his boyish method of trying to generate future contact. It seemed so young to me. I like a man who's man enough to look me in the eye and say something direct and confident.

By the time we got to the gate, I sensed this panicky urgency on his part...he was grappling, grappling for a way to continue it on somehow, a little hyper puppy-dog about to lose a bone...it was that "end of session" panic. It made me feel a little sad...so I just decided to play it straight. "Well Nino, I really like you. I think we're going to be friends. We already are. But I'm not going to date you, because you're just a baby to me." And I hugged him, kissed his cheek the way an aunt would and went through the turnstile.

I could call Nino. I could drop by sometime. But I know I won't.