"Just Follow the Rainbow"

Looking sane and being sane do not necessarily go hand in hand.

Alright, I have gathered the stamina to add in a quip about my last "date". Which made me really ready to just stop this whole project. This date was a number of weeks ago, but I just felt like givin' myself the Hello Kitty cake before I bothered writing about this.

1) He was polite. He sent a photo. He lived in the neighborhood. (No, I didn't tell him where I live. Rule #3452: Never tell a person where you live.) We spoke on the phone. It was not exciting, but he lived in the area, and the last "roll" was so unprodigious that I settled.

2) We met at a local bar. It was quite crowded, and I had forgotten to ask what he was wearing. I broke my own rule.

3) A guy who profiled like a "nerd" sat next to me. He was skinny as a noodle with hair parted on the side and spectacles and an oxford shirt buttoned to the top, or something like that. The type who watches Star-Trek.


4) We both ordered beers, and I found myself thinking...Is this the guy? They both had that similar kind of button nose. Was there a remote possibility that the two photos I had recieved of a well-built, confident-looking man turned out to be this Trekkie? I decided to ask if his name was Richard. It wasn't - I was relieved - but where was the other guy?

5) I went to the basement to try his cell. (I bought a Virgin cell phone during all of these escapades, by the way.) There was no answer. I started wondering if I was possibly getting stood up.

6) I sat back down. I keened my head around. I saw a potential Richard. I walked over to the guy at the window. It was him.

7) We had a conversation. It was not unpleasant, yet not thoroughly intriguing. All I could think was...I think this guy is gay, trying to be straight. And he kept asking me about my son. Also he appeared to be half-listening to what I was saying, thinking about something else.

In the process of the conversation, he told me his mother was Puerto Rican and his father was Irish/Sicilian. I was puzzled, cause he just looked like a wasp to me.

8) We walked out, and this really tall gay guy on uppers and drunk was wobbling down the sidewalk, asking right in our faces,

GUY: "Where are all the GAY people? Are there any gay people in here?"
ME: "No, you don't want to go in there."
RICHARD: (hesitantly) "That way."
GUY: "Which way? But what's the name of the place?"
ME: "Just follow the rainbow."
GUY: (hugging me) "Oh, I LOVE you!"
RICHARD: "There's a place called the Connection"
GUY: "Thank You! I'm going that way! Bye! I love you!"

Then Richard gave me his card.

Richard Van Finkee

Interim Ruler of Iraq

His address was 2 blocks from mine, and his number was on there, a standard-looking card. I was weirded-out - I just don't get his humor. I thought, "This is the humor of someone who spends too much time alone, in his own little universe." I thought...people like that can be dangerous.

Richard wrote me the next day:

Hola Chica,

Lovely meeting you last night. Let me know if you'd beup for dinner sometime soon.

Richard

Nathalie wrote:

Hi Richard - thanks for meeting me. I enjoyed talking with you. You had some interesting points.
N

Then he called me on my cell, but I didn't call back....I felt bad about that, but the card just really gave me the creeps.

So, I was glad to stop Craig's Listing. But...I wouldn't knock it - there are some strange people on it but there are also some who seemed pretty decent. My take is still pretty much the same, after a few months experience, as it was when I wrote this.

Yeah! No more CL!

Man, I totally lost my rythym on these blogs. If I have any devoted readers, you must be really sick of me.

Well, my CL journey is ending. This is why.

Do you remember Bernie? He is on the verge of single. And I'm THERE! Congratulations, Larisa! I'm having a party for myself.

I'm going to upkeep Strange Roads Traveler indefinately.

Goodnight, my little clown!

I Am Haunted by Leather Jackets

They follow me around - I seem to attract them the way I attract terrifying little rodents. And I hate them. I hate leather jackets. They're just trying way too hard.

***

Ironically after my little discourse on salsa, my first (and only, so far) "mini-date" from this roll was with the lead singer of a local salsa band. I'll call him Gabriel Cruz.

1) He sent me a really nice note along with a photo of himself performing in jazz fest. (Itty bitty photo half-absconded.)
2) He didn't even ask for a photo of me - this is very classy, in my opinion. Even though I apparently am not classy b/c I feel that I need a photo. In fact, this whole blog is really not classy! Update: I just realized that if a guy doesn't ask for your photo, it means one of 2 things: 1) He's not superficial, but he's new to internet dating - experienced people find a polite way to ask for/send multiple photos. Though this can be quite awkward, and I usually desist. 2) He doesn't expect much. Not asking for a photo of you could mean there's a surprise in store for you.
3) We spoke by phone and he seemed "nice". (Nice in me-speak means "lacking mojo".) I need a man with some mojo. This is rather hard to find. I have found one but he is on a trip to the moon right now, so until he comes back, I'll keep rollin'. However half-heartedly.
4) Though I didn't sense any particular connection, we made a coffee date anyway. I thought it would be interesting, and a good distraction from certain disappointments that are currently on the table. Gabriel had suggested that we take a dance lesson together to brush up at some point, and I was kind of excited...I thought it sounded kind of glamorous to take a class with the lead singer of a band before his performance. I knew he didn't have the mojo I desired via phone, but I still started building those Aries castles in the sky of how inetresting and fun this could be. Rule # 3490: Do NOT build castles in the sky. Have I said that already?

When I got to the cafe, he was outside. My heart sank, cause he was wearing a black leather jacket. I think leather jackets are overcompensatory and sleazy-looking. A motorcycle jacket I could tolerate, but this whole sleazoid black leather look really repels me. Alright, any kind of leather. You might look fine and dandy, but don the leather and it will repel me like an invisible shield. As you can tell, my aversion is quite powerful.

Gabriel was also clinging to his cell phone for dear life - I suspected a faux conversation - but that's just me and my overly-creative mind (otherwise known as an intense sense of perception.) I'm not into cell-phone heavy guys. I think it makes guys look cloying and insecure - lacking independence. I see a guy heavy on the cell and I run the other direction. I think cell phones have practical uses, but are obnoxious. I like a man who can stand on his own, without a cell phone.

Also I was kind of expecting him to look a little sexier. In the photo, he looked rather fine. In real life, he looked OK. More soon.

"I don't wanna play games, wah, wah, wah"

What's up with so many guys writing, "I don't want to play any games"? This seems to be the dating-email-cliché of the new millennium. I don't even know what that means. 30% of responders mention this.

Possible translations:
"I don't wanna...
...lead each other on"
...beat around the bush before going to bed"
...pay for dinner with no sex in return"
...reject or be rejected indirectly"
...you getting to know me and deciding you don't like me"
...screw women over"
...be screwed over"
...flirt irresponsibly to no avail"
...have you flirt and disappear"
...send each other dumb little smiley faces and disappear"
...get to know you and have you choose someone else"
...email with you but never see you."
(...have you blogging about the things I say")

Are a lot of women out there playing games? You get to know each other - maybe you like each other, maybe not. It is kind of like a game...a rather painstaking game. It can be wholesome if it's handled properly. (What are you lookin' at?) I don't know - this blog is named after a game, isn't it.

***

I've read a few male comments about over-weight women in it for a free dinner. Is this really happening - a sort of female sociological-revenge-trend against the patriarchy - like, "Boy, did I get him! He had to pay for my dinner! Boy was he pissed, but his hands were tied - and I ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and an appetizer and dessert!" Is that what women are doing now? Cause there seem to be a lot of disgruntled guys out there. I don't do that stuff, at least. I have offered to pay. (Of course, if a guy let me I'd think he had problems.) No guy has let me pay yet. (Oops - Andrejs said I could leave the tip at that horrible breakfast experience - but I only had a 20. I held it up to him helplessly. He said, Forget about it. OH YEAH - Rule #2150: Ladies, bring change so you can leave an ample tip. (If the waiter deserved it, if not 15% only.) Ladies should always offer to pay their half, but insist on leaving the tip. Gentlemen should always insist on paying, but allow her to leave the tip. I know that sucks for the guy but lets face the fact that men's salaries tend to be more ample. Go look at the statistics.)

Another issue is there's a a certain bitterness over photo exchanges. There are many rants about women who post ads with no photos, or ask for a photo of the dude but never respond with one. Now to me, Rule#4387: posting an ad with your photo is a really bad idea - makes you look desperate and trashy - but that's my personal opinion. Plus, there are tons of maniacs out there. Post a part of you, max. And sorry guys - if you don't get her pic back, it's cause you're not her type - so don't cry over spilt milk. I have sent my photo to a guy who sent his and he never wrote back - do you see me kavetching?

Do Me

let's chat

This guy is not my type.

You know what - a lot of good male candidates go on CL - don't let my sassy blog ruin its rep. I know CL looks trashy, but if you put an intelligent-ish ad up, you're gonna get some nice responses from some pretty interesting people. I'll tell you how some of the interesting ones turn out from this roll in a few days.

You Sound Too Good To Be True.

you sound too good to be true...

if you like what you see hit me back and we can chat


I am 6'4, 190, athletic. 27 years old

***

This is the first guy who clued me in to the "chain responders". They always write the exact same thing to women and don't even pay attention whom they're writing to. If he had actually read my ad, he would have noticed "gentlemen 28+" and ""no hook-ups" - but no - he had to send me this same thing twice. Big...Empty...Hole.

The Cat Came Back the Very Next Day

This is Marty - a man that I'd call a salsa-head. He is a salsa addict - you'll find him in a different Latin club every night of the week...He is so used to the emotional high of salsa that any other locale would just be so unsatisfying to his personal stimulus quota...he doesn't even bother. If he were to be in a normal restaurant, he'd be looking around nervously and just itching to say, "Why don't we go dance some salsa?" He is a person who listens to salsa in his car, in the shower, while he's working out. And he works out just to look good dancing salsa. He lives in the fantasy world of salsa, memorizing the lyrics, imagining that he can feel those emotions too. If he travels, it must be to a salsa convention, wherever it may be. These single people live out their existance in every American metropolis, dancing, dancing, addicted to the spin and thrill of the dance floor.

***

I'll start off by saying, I know all of this because I've been there, but now I'm clean. I pass many months without listening to the Gran Combo. But there was a time in which I only dreamed of boyfriends who could knock me out on the dance floor, and frankly all of the men who could knock me out on the dance floor were extremely boring and I barely dated them. The guys who are interesting to talk to and truly appreciate me can never dance much. So I've had all of these boyfriends and just fantascized that one day, they'd learn. But it was too painful to listen to much salsa around them, too disappointing. Little by little, salsa became less a part of my life, which is fine since I found the club environment fairly vapid. Being curious about life and experiencing it led me to learn salsa in the first place, but after the thrill there was an emptiness about the whole thing...making friends with other dancers and eating at a 24-hour place afterwards and having these painfully mediocre conversations about nothing. It was, in a sense, what a crack house must be like. A lot of people get stuck together because of their interest and settle for each other because they might need each other.

Years ago, in 1998, there was a guy who was always at these clubs - (and apparently so was I, if I kept running into him,) - he was a permanent, quiet fixture. I actually thought he was kind of cute. He was a stylist in a prestigious salon, quiet, and took salsa very seriously, always attending advanced classes and making sure he was up on all of the moves. Frankly, we just never clicked, never hit it off. He was the type of guy that would stop dancing to correct me if I ever messed up a move. I HATE THAT. A truly great dancer has it in his heart and blood and knows how to make any "mis-step" into a new move. A truly great dancer doesn't carry around some stylists manual in his head and force it on the ladies. I've never been the manual type, (well, maybe now and then,) though I pick up dances quickly like languages (dance is a form of language, isn't it?) and I never get along with the manual type. Alright, I like a man who is just exhuberant on the dance floor, who just has so much fun that it's contageous. But like I said, thinking men aren't like this as far as I know, because they think too much, and only thinking men do it for me.

A few months ago, I put up the "Sexy Little Clown" ad and Marty responded with a pic. Here's our dialogue:

MARTY wrote:

hi I can dance salsa very well ans I like your profile a lot.

NATHALIE wrote:

How funny - you know me - vaguely - from many years ago. I used to see you all of the time at Nyda's. I actually thought you were a cute man but we never clicked or anything. I'll attach my pic so you can remember.

Anyway...Best to you Marty. You're looking good.

Nathalie


MARTY wrote:

hi, thanks for the compliments. Though I can't honestly say that I remeber you from this photo, I may, if I saw you in person. Do you still go out dancing to clubs? maybe we could plan to meet out I will be going to Silver Dolphin tommorrow (weds are good salsa nites there) maybe Zoom on thurs.

***

I didn't write Marty back. Are you surprised? I would love to do salsa again - in moderation - but not with a Marty.

Anyway, I published a version of the same ad two days ago on CL, with the same title, but even longer and more annoying. And Marty sent me this:

Kiss me, I'm a Salsa Head

you are really interesting! I've been to Cuba, Puerto Rico (san Juan sucks) Santo Domingo, Cali Columbia, Panama I like your taste in music/movies I enjoy latin dance - usually take a few classes a month I'm a hairstylist. I went to jackson college- photography interest I'm pretty good. I'd like to talk more with you Thanks

***

He could have used my name the second time around!

RULE #2569: Remember, there are men out there who respond to every single ad every single day, often with the exact same message. And it must be getting them somewhere, but nowhere.

I suppose I am not so different from them, if I keep posting the same ad.

The Thrill is Gone

Holy shit! I just put up an ad and some of the guys who are answering the ad are repeats, some from the same ad, like they respond so often that they don't even remember the first ad they responded to? So, there are guys who just hang out on CL, all the time, sending, sending, sending, blindly groping into the void?

Alright, just hope for 1%. And 1% of 40 responses is .4% of a man.

The guy Henri from Goodnight, My Little Clown was one of them.