I'm Leaving.

Susan Rothenberg

I'm going to another blog since I don't feel like dating right now. You can go there if you're so inclined.

Finding a Boyfriend over Craig's List is a lot of Work

I just want to be left alone. That's easy enough to achieve.

I have totally abandoned this CL for now. I just don't feel like bothering. I don't even crave the high of 100 responses. I don't crave the challenge of constructing the perfect ad to manipulate men's vulnerable minds. I must have CL depression. I put on an ad the other day and removed it before anyone could respond. I'm actually starting to consider this a lot of work and responsibility.

Yet, I know I should date people. It's not healthy to just sit here in my apartment and not meet men. So after Christmas, I'll have to motivate myself. Who knows, maybe I'll get all gung-ho again.

Charles O'Shea and the Boring Phone Conversation

I thought I'd choose the most boring human (pnone) contact of all that CL has generated for me in light of my own very boring blogging trend of the moment. (Like...not blogging. That's pretty boring.) Alright, I just don't feel like dealing with my blog, and I certainly don't feel like dealing with CL during the x-mas season, when I not only have to coax stuck pieces of candy canes off of parts of my home, but also have to wrap tons of presents...which I actually enjoy so much, I shall not deceive you. I love giving presents, and am quite good at it...alright, I just love the challenge of making people happy with the perfect present.

But on to this guy, we'll call him Charles O'Shea, who, in response to the "fix my lamp in return for pasta" ad some time ago, sent me a picture of himself graduating from a fancy university, which I don't understand cause he was 26 at the time of the response (in that particular ad I didn't specify age) and it only makes me suspect that now he's gotten hefty. But I did find his photo rather adorable - he looked quite bright and shiney - so I wrote back. (He was also one of my most eager contestants. Rule #2675: If you really want to meet the woman who placed the ad, Keep Writing Her! I forget about people when they back-off cause there are so many responses. So, be aggressive in a charming sort of way. Otherwise you will fall off the map.)

Anyway, he was rather formal for my tastes (i.e. stuffy) however he was a gentleman and despite his lack of years I called him on the phone. (Remember, it's key for a man to offer up his number on the 2nd or third email, or else he will seem young, unprofessional, and inexperienced.) Well, this guy wasn't exciting or witty but at least he got me on the phone with a straightforwardish pic and some gentlemanly decorum.

Unfortunately, he failed to keep me on the phone. (Rule #3760: Don't discuss your highschool on the phone. Even if you both went to the same kind of school. This might bring the conversation to a standstill, especially if you're dealing with a woman over 30.) When you are getting on your feet in the dating scene, the last thing you need is to conjure the feelings/thoughts that you might have felt in highschool. I JUST WANTED TO GET OFF THE PHONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. It was painfully obvious that our conversation was a flop. How do I know, you ask? How do I know that we had no chemistry?

Sure signs that you have no chemistry: The conversation had no spunk, no commonalities, no rythym, no clicking, sends no emotions through your body, and doesn't make you smile or laugh. If this is what happens to you on the phone, then do not procede. Get off the phone. Do not meet. Do not waste eachother's time, unless you want sex, because I've noticed that sometimes people who don't like eachother wind up having good sex. But this blog is not about getting sex. So far at least. We'll see if I'm up for that in the future, but I really doubt it. My party days are over. If I'm not "coupling" with a person whom I genuinely enjoy, and with whom I feel very comfortable and open, I don't see the point at all of bothering. Now that's out of the way.

Anyway, this whole scenario was so boring that I can barely write about it.

1) I wound up telling Charles that I didn't see the point of meeting because it seemed that we didn't really establish any flow over the phone, but because he persisted, I agreed to meet him. (He was such a nice boy.)

2) Then, he canceled that day, saying he had a cold.

3) Then, he wrote a week later saying he was ready.

4) Then I told him that I had already fixed the lamp myself and he almost didn't see the point of meeting. He was all confused, and said, "Then what am I gonna do?" I told him that he could caulk my sink, but I was just really not enthused to go out and get the silicone and cook for this young man, especially after I learned that he lived at home. Rule #2601: Do not tell a woman if you live with your folks. Keep this detail to yourself. This is very private.) It happens when people are transitioning, but it just made him seem like a little boy. I wound up canceling and just couldn't get up the stamina to repond to him. I know, boring, anti-climactic. I'm getting off this blog.

I'm Ready Now.

I'm more or less ready. I think.

The World Can Now View My Craig's List Dating Blog.

I'm not ready yet.

OK, I put that little stat counter in my blog, (set at ZERO, thank you very much...what kind of a mediocre person would take the option to set it at 1,000?) and within the past hour 5 people have gotten on, which rather surprised me.

I'm not ready to go public yet, though I'm chipping away at the "re-writes" every night...and improving the writing, which I was shocked to find quite sloppy and lacking verve. I think it's hard to write well about this experience when it can be so psychologically overwhelming and exhausting and my writing has been reflecting that. Wow, when it comes to annoying myself, I am a specialist.

Going Public

I've realized that there's no point in having "a blog" if nobody except a few friends (whom I'm not even sure are reading it) can read it. That means I have to edit the shit out of this blog and take-off all of the guys (blurred and disguised) photos. And my own cocksure little smiling face. No fun!

I also must completely decimate all signs of my identity so that no man that I've blogged about will hunt me down and try to off me. This is going to take a major blog cleaning. Like, antiseptic scrub-down. No names, locations, dates...only the vaguest connection to reality left...

Since I can be anyone I choose to be, I think I'll be a Barbie Doll. I look nothing like a Barbie doll, so it's an effective disguise. Actually my personality is nothing like these women. If they had the puppy-dog S & M Barbie, that would be me.

I wonder if I publish one of these haughty photos if my writing style will evolve for the worse. It'll be a little experiment.

I'm sick of it!

Alright, I'm sick of people treating me worse than they would if I were to have a partner.

That might sound stupid, by sometimes I feel that people take conversational rope that they wouldn't if I were "accompanied". The thing that gets me is that the things they say would never be said if I had a partner, and I know that. There is just a certain respect purveyed to a woman if she has a man with her. (Even if it's just...I don't want him to whoop me.) Single women are just easy targets.

It's not chronic. but I've noticed this in a few social situations. And I'm sick of it!

Up in a Poof of Smoke!

This is Gus. Me liked. Me really liked! What happened to me cookie?

***

This is Gus. Me liked! Me had French cider with Gus and me had great time. Me unfortunately not know what happened? Me no like to discuss! Me discuss maybe later.

How to Figure Out If it's Worth The Effort.

Did you know that there is a sport called human hamsterball?

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Craig's List Tips! Must collect quickly as they come! That did not sound very appealing. However I shall not erase it. Alright: Nathalie's Heads Up:

Rule #1205: Never, ever email extendedly with a person from the internet with romantic premonitions. The crash-margin is too high: often, the actual in-person dynamic does not resemble the lively written dynamic even a smidgeon, (particularly if you find that person less attractive than their photo.) Extensive emailing prior to meeting is only for internet dating virgins or people who depend highly on their verbal expertise to get their foot in the door, but have reason to hold off on the actual meeting. I.E. have something to hide.

One or two initial messages should convey wit, and enough personal style and philosophy to efficiently demonstrate potential. Then get the digits, MEN MUST PROVIDE DIGITS, WOMEN MUST USE PRIVATE CALL FUNCTION #67 unil confidence is achieved. (This is based on the fact that women are more vulnerable and have to be more careful,) talk enough to establish flow, (or not, in that case preventing the gratuitous meeting, which will waste your hard-earned free time,) and meet within the next few days, while you can still remember a bit of data about this person. Don’t expect each other to remember much, based on the high volume of varied rapport that these internet experiences might be generating. Rule #2387: Try to remember enough to not be insulting. (Good idea to put all messages from one person in a file and brush up on them before meeting.) If you have a high margin of fact equivocation, this person will be staring at you and thinking, “Geeze, how many people is she/he meeting?”

Rule #2098: Careful with photos. As I learned with Henri, a headshot can be very disproportionate to the body. I personally do not care if a man is short or tall, but it’s good to get a sense beforehand so you won’t be all mentally out-of-balance when you actually see the person and they are like Mount Everest, or a Beany Baby.